


if I had said I love you

by wittyprettygay



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fingersmith AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:58:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wittyprettygay/pseuds/wittyprettygay
Summary: Carmilla knows the rules well: Become the maid of a beautiful heiress, help William seduce her, hand her over to Mother, and run off with the fortune. It's the simplest game in the world. That is, until that heiress is Laura Hollis.





	if I had said I love you

Carmilla swallows, hesitating before knocking at Maman’s door. 

Before she can gather her courage, the door swings open. Her mother stands before her with her towering figure, heavily lidded eyes, and her dark hair pinned sharply back. Her foreboding presence creeps over Carmilla like a fog. 

“Maman,” she says, keeping her voice calm, her face expressionless. But as she looks up at her, she’s flooded with that familiar feeling. That feeling of being trapped, motionless, helpless. She knows this is exactly how her mother’s prey must feel.

Her mother steps aside to let her in. 

“My dear, I hope this isn’t how you sneak up on your victims. I’ve heard you lingering in the hall for the past five minutes.”

Carmilla says nothing, letting herself in and settling uncomfortably on the sofa. She looks around her at the lavish decorations in her mother’s parlor. Expensive paintings adorn the walls, the marble fireplace is enormous and covered in gold antiques, every window is covered with luxurious curtains. She has exquisite taste, there’s no question. At one time, Carmilla used to appreciate that about her.

Maman closes the door and strides past her into her bedroom. Carmilla knows not to follow. She can hear her mother opening and closing her drawers, and knows she’s putting on her make-up for some evening party. 

“Well, what is it, Carmilla?” she finally asks.

Carmilla feels her anxiety rising, shifts nervously on the sofa. “I’ve been thinking Maman--” She pauses, not sure what it is she wants to say now that she’s here. 

Her mother huffs impatiently. “Yes, what is it, dear?” 

“I-I’m not quite sure this girl is what we’re looking for.”

There’s a pause. Clearly that wasn’t enough to earn a response from her mother so Carmilla goes on, “It’s just….the girl is simply too smart. I don’t believe she’s falling for William’s tricks at all.”

“Is that so?” Maman calls back. “To hear William tell it, he’s got her quite wrapped around his finger.” 

“You know how he exaggerates, Mother.” 

She says nothing, clearly unimpressed. 

Carmilla tries again. “I’ve heard the way she talks about him. She’s not in love with him.” 

She sighs, sounding irritated already. “She doesn’t need to be in love with him, dear. She only needs to want to run away with him.” 

“I know, but I truly don’t believe she will run away with someone she doesn’t trust.”

“That’s where you’re supposed to come in. You know the drill, Carmilla. You’ve done this before.” 

Carmilla huffs, getting irritated herself. “William doesn’t listen to me. He cannot win her affections this way.” 

She hears the chair draw back from her Mother’s vanity. She appears in the doorway, one eyebrow raised. “Are you suggesting he’s not up to the task?”

“Well--no. I just believe--”

“--Are  _ you _ not up to the task?” 

“Of course I am, however--”

“Then what  _ are _ you suggesting, Carmilla?”

Carmilla gives her a hard stare. “I’m suggesting perhaps it’s time to move on.”

“I see. The way we ‘moved on’ from that girl in Germany? Or the one in Paris?”

“No, Mother.” 

She gives her a cold, calculating look that makes Carmilla’s fingers twitch nervously in her lap. “I’ve been too lenient with you. We are not moving on. Everything will work out exactly as we’ve planned. This fortune will be ours.”

Carmilla tries another tactic. “Then perhaps we give William more time. Young women are not so easily won as they once were,” Carmilla adds, with a touch of humor. 

Maman frowns. “I suppose you would know.”

Carmilla feels anger flare up in her chest. Something must show on her face because Maman smirks. 

“Now, now, darling, I am not judging you. We all have our….tastes. That form of judgment is reserved for the people you associate with.”

“I only associate with them on your orders, Mother.”

“Oh, let’s not lie, my dear. We both know you have a certain fondness for the humans.” Her lips twist in a cruel smile. “Some more than others, it would seem.”

“I’m not fond of her, Maman. I hardly know her,” Carmilla insists.  “However, from what I’ve seen of her interactions with William I’m concerned that--”

“--William knows what would happen were he to disappoint me, Carmilla. As do you.” 

Carmilla bows her head. “Yes, Maman.” 

She cocks her head. “Is this  _ touching  _ concern for your brother or for the girl?” she simpers.  

Carmilla looks away, feeling herself blush. “I’ve told you, Maman, this is not about the girl. I simply think that the plan needs more time.”

Maman slinks further into the room. “Look at me, Carmilla,” she practically purrs.

Carmilla continues to stare at the wall, the mantle, the floor, anything but her mother’s cold, grey eyes. She cannot look at her. She will find only weakness there. 

In one swift motion, she’s crossed the room and jerked Carmilla’s chin upwards. “Look. At. Me,” she says slowly, until Carmilla finally meets her gaze.

“Whatever doubts you may be having, whatever your….” she smirks, “fragile feelings are leading you to believe, this girl--this  _ pitiful  _ human girl does not care about you.”

Carmilla blinks the sting in her eyes away. She feels her weakness like an open wound. “You don’t know that.” 

“Oh, don’t I? Carmilla, how long will it be until you actually realize you’re not eighteen anymore? All these romantic, naive notions you have….it’s so--” she wrinkles her nose in disgust, “--human.” 

At one time that may have felt like an insult, like some dirty word, but right now, it fills her heart with an ache and a longing. She jerks her chin away. 

“Perhaps I wish to be a human again.”

Maman freezes, eyes narrowing. “How quickly you forget, what a wretched thing your life was. A life filled with meaningless morals and societal rules meant to box you in. You were powerless, Carmilla.” She draws herself up to her full height, seeming to fill the whole room. “You were useless until the day I gave you control.” 

She gives her a look of deep disappointment, and despite herself Carmilla feels shame color her cheeks again. “You were nothing, and  _ she  _ is nothing. I turned you from dust into a diamond, and I will not let her in her pointless humanity tarnish you.” 

She begins to walk away, and Carmilla doesn’t know what to say--has no idea what would make a difference. So she says feebly at her mother’s back, 

“She doesn’t deserve this, Mother.”

Maman laughs, but does not turn back. “When will you learn, Carmilla? They all do.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I love Fingersmith by Sarah Waters but this is going to be a very loose re-telling of that. Like, no one is going to a madhouse for being a lesbian for example lmao. Just posting the prologue for now. If it gets any interest, I'll add more and plan out an update schedule. Thanks for reading.


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